I was just home in Texas for my sister’s wedding and it really got me thinking. The wedding was, on paper, so conformist, so unempowering, so not feminist in so many ways. Taking his last name. Being “presented” by one man who “gave her away” to another. Such a feeling in the air, not from her, but from others, that this was the culmination of her life’s journey. It was all theoretically off-putting. And also, it was beautiful and wonderful and I loved every minute of it.
See, in a place like Texas, certain things are still expected of girls. Certain attitudes about women, and femininity, and the importance of marriage still have a very strong sway. But my sister never cared about any of that. She never was never much for shoes and fashion, she was too busy with math and science. She played with dolls, but she was far more interested in salamanders. She was, and is, better at sports than me. She spends her days around blood and guts and isn’t squeamish about it in the slightest. She knows how to rock climb and build a fire but not the first thing about cooking or cleaning. And she also got married to a great guy that loves her very much. In a fancy church while wearing a beautiful sparkly white dress. Looking just like a princess.
And as I stood up there, tears of happiness in my eyes, watching her promise to love and serve to honor and obey I realized it didn’t matter whether or not this moment and this ceremony was feminist or not feminist, feeding into the patriarchy or fighting against it. Because this was the wedding my sister had chosen for herself. Every detail and every minute of it. Because that is what she does. That is her way. She is a fiercely independent, strong, confident, amazing woman who I would be incredibly proud for my future daughter to be exactly like. And she’s traveled a unique and beautiful road to get to where her life is. And if one stop along the road doesnt look exactly like I or you or anyone else thinks or says it should, well who cares? Not my sister, I can tell you that.
So as much as I often enjoy the view of the world from my high horse, the view from the ground, from the real world, is that simply being true to yourself and your life’s journey is, in the end, the most bad-ass feminist thing anyone can do. And that theories and principles and ideals are great. But they’re nothing compared to the power of love and the power of people.
So, future daughter, I say to you today – take whatever road you want. Just ultimately take one that leads you to happiness. Because in the end, thats all that really matters.
And sister, may you continue to take whatever road you damn well feel like.
This song is for you.
Written by Andy Stokan, our pop culture loving WILD Man, shares another entry from his heartwarming & feministy blog, Songs for My Daughter, which he has dedicated to his future offspring.
On the Horizon
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Chris Maddox is the founder of The Wild Woman Project where she teaches women how to utilize the gifts of the Wild Woman Archetype in their everyday lives & how to lead women’s circles in their local communities. She is the organizer & facilitator of the beloved annual WILD WOMAN FEST, a women’s retreat-festival hybrid which fosters a deep connection to nature, a direct experience of the divine feminine & profound spiritual sisterhood among the women in attendance.
An ever student of the great mysteries of existence and nature itself, Chris believes women are holding innate gifts & tools that society at large needs – now more than ever. She is committed to helping women remember their special magic and to bring it forward into every corner of their lives, for the greater good of the planet.