Meet Payden Ackerman(Our only first male Circle Leader) who reached out to me in January of this year, around the time of TWWP launch and said he believed in the project and wanted to be a leader. It was because of his passion and a feeling in my gut that I opened the circles up to men. Each leader can choose whether her/his circle is Unisex or all female. Side by side. Here is a mini interview and a guest blog post from the WILD man in Washington….
Why were you called to the WILD Woman project?
I wanted to manifest a change. I had been struggling to come to terms with my own heart after years of ignoring its messages. My fiancé had participated in a workshop Chris was assisting, and told me about the project. I signed up for the 365 Day WILD Living Challenge and found each dare I completed gave me a spark of unadulterated joy. I felt the path to my heart clearing. Then I thought of so many others in my life that might benefit from this practice. The potential of the project was so immense. I wanted to be a part of it.
What has the biggest lesson you’ve gained through being a circle leader?
I’ve often felt anxious about leading others; I have enough trouble leading my own life. Being a Circle Leader has taught me a number of things, but this has been the most valuable: Trust yourself. Breathe. The words will come. The right words. The heart takes a moment to speak, but it’s so wise. Don’t doubt it.
What does the word masculinity mean to you?
Masculinity is a state of being; it does not define a being. It’s the animus, as Jung called it, in each of us. Our potent, aggressive nature. It is complemented by the feminine, or anima. I believe each of us, male and female, possesses a masculine and feminine nature; by honoring them both, we realize our true self.
What is your dream for the young men growing up now?
My dream is that they learn to embrace their feminine nature without fear. This does not create a lesser man. Celebrating the feminine encourages men to open their hearts to others. We become more nurturing, we communicate better, our emotional lives are given voice. We may attain a fluidity that strict masculinity prevents.
Do you have a favorite quote? What it is?
“The essence of all beautiful art, all great art, is gratitude.”—Friedrich Nietzsche
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The WILD Woman Project and Men: A Path to Healing
by: Payden Ackerman
When Chris opened The WILD Woman Project up to men, I leapt at the chance to become a Moon Circle Leader.
I felt called to participate. Something in me longed to contribute to this communal spirit. I can’t explain it. My entire being was compelled. I wanted in.
At first this was a source of contention and self-doubt. I’m a man, after all. What right did I have to help women discover their WILD feminine nature within? Wasn’t mine even more hidden away, locked behind the veil of masculinity? Yes and no.
What I’ve discovered in The WILD Woman Project is a path toward healing; one so powerful and necessary it blurs gender divisions. To illustrate this, I have to tell you a story.
Once upon a time, there was a young boy. He was happy. His heart was wide open. Because of this, he was often hurt. He could be too sensitive. As he ventured into his 7th grade, this became very dangerous. But he learned to adapt. He learned to endure. He was a man, after all. He slowly closed his heart to the world, and those around him. He learned to ignore the inner workings of his soul. He was protected now.
But then there was a sadness. It spread slowly—out from his chest and into his limbs until it rested in his fingertips. He was infected. When he touched others, he hurt them. He found he enjoyed this. He was thrilled he could affect suffering, like he had suffered, and not feel a thing. It’s the wonder at touching your numbed lip following a visit to the dentist. It lasted for over a year.
Until it became unbearable. The numbness was excruciating. And the sadness remained. He began to self-mutilate. He cut away at his skin to expose what was inside: a small plea for help. He was found out and sent to therapy. He was given anti-depressants and coping mechanisms. He was taught to reason.
But he wasn’t taught to feel. He still didn’t understand his own heart. He tried to reason his depression away. It wasn’t justified. His life was wonderful. He had a loving family. Supportive friends. He shouldn’t feel the way he did. Shame began to creep its way into the cracks in his skin. He had started cutting again.
Then when he was sixteen, he decided to take his own life. The night came, and every cell of his body screamed at once. He couldn’t go through with it. He was admitted to a mental health facility for three weeks. There, the walls reverberated with pain and remembering. There, he learned to live again. But at a staggering cost.
His reason once again became a powerful tool, and he wielded it like he had the razors and knives before. He stripped away his skin with cold analysis. He learned to keep his inner life in check. He let himself be governed by his mind, and his heart was long forgotten. He was cured of his self-destructive tendencies, but not of his sadness. He was a stable, functioning adult. He was a man. And so the story goes. And so the story ends.
Or does it?
Both men and women face very real societal pressures to indentify with a particular gender. But this idea of gender is a lie. It’s the voice telling young boys to stop crying, to suck it up, to endure. It’s the voice telling young girls to curtsy and be ladylike, play nice and smile. These expectations have very little to do with our inner natures, be they feminine or masculine.
As a child, I was told a very different story about being, than I was feeling within. Society told me how to be a man. And I responding by shutting down my heart center, and cutting off the messages it sent me. This led to a prolonged struggle with depression. I don’t think this is unusual at all. The same is done to young girls, and to a much greater extent. The WILD Woman Project is an attempt to reclaim the WILD feminine nature in all of us; it’s an existence that is driven by heart, not by societal expectation.
The WILD Woman Project then becomes a path toward healing. My depression was predicated on a discrepancy between inner and outer reality. For years I fought what I was experiencing internally, and for years it surfaced in self-destructive acts. As I celebrate my feminine nature with The WILD Woman Project, I am better able to access and interpret my heart’s longings, desires, and greater wishes. By celebrating my own feminine nature, I have become more comfortable with being me, which in turn, has made me feel more like a man than ever before.
Each of us has a feminine and masculine nature—honoring one inevitably strengthens the other, as our whole being is realized. I don’t indentify with the story of man society tells me. And I’ve never been happier.
The WILD Woman Project has given me a form of agency. It has helped heal the severed roots to my heart. It can do the same for others: for women, and for men.
So is it hypocritical of me to lead a group of women to their WILD feminine nature every month? Come to my New Moon Circle, and see. Watch us heal each other.
All of us are in need of healing—men and women. All of us could stand to worship that feminine goddess within. Doing so has freed me from the bonds of self-judgment and protracted depression. Doing so has changed my life.
You know what it was that brought me to The WILD Woman Project? It was my heart. I’m learning to listen to it all over again.
Chris Maddox is the founder of The Wild Woman Project where she teaches women how to utilize the gifts of the Wild Woman Archetype in their everyday lives & how to lead women’s circles in their local communities. She is the organizer & facilitator of the beloved annual WILD WOMAN FEST, a women’s retreat-festival hybrid which fosters a deep connection to nature, a direct experience of the divine feminine & profound spiritual sisterhood among the women in attendance.
An ever student of the great mysteries of existence and nature itself, Chris believes women are holding innate gifts & tools that society at large needs – now more than ever. She is committed to helping women remember their special magic and to bring it forward into every corner of their lives, for the greater good of the planet.
