My first memory of becoming aware of the days the seasons change was the Summer between Third and Fourth grade. Someone casually mentioned “today is the longest day of the year”. I was so confused. WHAT. DO. YOU. MEAN, LONGEST? When I learned there was more daylight that day than any other day of the year I became so ecstatic and felt I HAD to do something special, I needed to stay outside as long as possible that day to not “waste” the extra sunlight (even in childhood, I desired rituals). This felt like a once in a lifetime opportunity. Back then, next year really did feel like a lifetime away.
Living in Southern California my entire life, I haven’t always been able to recognize the seasons in nature, they all sort of blend together here. The lack of experiencing the defined “flavor” of each season meant that I certainly didn’t have the awareness, or life experience to recognize my internal seasons of life.
It wasn’t until I began having a deeper relationship to the cycles of the Moon that I began investigating the wisdom within the cyclical nature of seasons. I began looking at seasons mystically and reflecting on the seasons in my own life. The glorious feeling of a blooming Spring, the proud feeling of a fruitful Summer, the twinge of melancholy during the surrender of Autumn, and the painfully stagnant waiting of Winter.
I coincidentally began looking for this wisdom during one of the harshest inner Winters of my life (is anything truly a coincidence?). In my early twenties I had been exhaustively working to graduate college in four years (I was getting through college on loans and wanted as few of them as possible), which meant I was taking between five to seven classes each semester, mentally stimulated to max capacity. I also had the pleasure of being surrounded by friends working towards the same goals and learning the same things as me, everyday. On top of this, I had two jobs, was creating Art and Theatre on a regular basis, and began planning a wedding with my fiance who was also my best friend. Within a matter of a few months I graduated college, went through an extremely painful broken engagement, and came to the realization that my life path and love for Theatre was not going to lead me to the type of life I wanted for myself. It felt like my life came to a screeching halt. Everything went dark and moved slow. It felt like I was floating in space for months. I kept wondering WHEN I would feel purpose again. WHEN I would feel passion, inspiration, the joy of learning, and most importantly, like myself.
I didn’t have the language to know this then, but I was in the thick of an internal Winter.
With the knowledge and reverence for the seasons I have now, I know that Winter’s forced dormancy allows an opportunity for rest and revaluation. Winter forces us to live in the mystery, trust in the opportunity for renewal, and have faith that under it all, quiet growth is taking place.
Like every season, my Winter eventually passed, and revealed new relationships, opportunities, things to learn, and new types of fruit to harvest.
Learning how to connect on a deep level, to both the External and Internal Seasons, has been one of the biggest gifts of my life so far. Whether the changing seasons are life altering huge or so subtle it feels like shedding a layer of old skin, I have learned that I can wholeheartedly rely on the cyclical rhythm of life. In my happiest and most joyous moments, I aim to feel every breath and remain present in every moment because I know the rhythm of life will continue, and this season will pass. In my darkest and loneliest moments I aim to remain awake to the depth of my experiences because I have faith that the rhythm of life will continue, and this season will pass.
My hope for you is that you begin to attune to the external mirror of your inner life through the wisdom of the seasons. That you remain awake and hold high esteem to the vastness of your experiences. And that you remember, in moments you desire it, and in moments you don’t, the rhythm of life will continue.
Your Turn
What is your experience with Inner Seasons? Have you experienced an Internal Winter? What was your experience like and what helped you through?
On the Horizon
Join us for an hour-long New Moon Meditation Adventure on December 2nd!
Online, from anywhere.
Using a dynamic meditation journey, we will tune into the New Moon, to your own Inner Guidance, synced up with wild-hearted women from around the world. This offering will include music, storytelling, meditation, journaling prompts & intention-setting.
Can’t make it live? No worries. All participants will receive a copy of the recording with 24 hours of the session.
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Amanda is the Director of Communications & Creative Development for The Wild Woman Project, as well as: Wild Woman Project Circle Leader, a member of the Love Crew at the annual WILD WOMAN FEST, and a Mentor for The Wild Woman Project Circle Leader Training Program. She holds a B.A. in Theatre from California State University, Fullerton where she intensively studied Movement for the Stage. A self described Mystic, Artist, Witch, People Person, Beverage Aficionado from Los Angeles California; She is particularly passionate about the space where Art, Activism, and Spirit collide.
Amanda I just absolutely love your writing and I thoroughly embraced this as topic as I read your words. I feel we as humanity are in the Winter months and soon we are to bloom into spring to reveal a garden of splendour and marvellous beauty.
Living in Canada, seasons are incredibly integrated in daily lives, and very tangible. From the first spring crocus blossom breaking through the residual winter snow, sowing of the fields and gardens in preparation for growth, and the rivers once flowing again to give “blood” to the earth, giving birth. To the summer, and the many aromas and colours and growth in full blossom, with the marvel of what hard work can do, and the earth and intentions in mature phase. The fall harvest and the gratitude of the bounty, birds flocking, and the lessons where intentions and actions did not have the success anticipated. And lastly, to the Winter, my most favourite of the seasons, with the time of celebration of the years work, successes, lessons and the ever importance of reflection and calmness. The blanket of snow which covers the landscape tucking our earth in for a peaceful slumber. A time of cocooning and hibernation, a time for healing.
What gets me through winter is just leaning into it. I love winter. I look across the snow covered fields and I am grateful for the stillness. Blankets, hot chocolate/teas/coffee, mittens and touques and my favourite sweaters wrapping me in warmth, cocooning me much like a protective shield. Boots to get me through the snow, leaving a path through the sparkling crystal palace of snowflakes – physically seeing our trails and the travels of all other creatures who reside, provides an awareness of the mark we leave on this planet.
The slowing down in winter gives me space and time to reset and rest. I was also born in the winter as a New Years baby, so the celebration of birth – intention, renewal, setting anew – is all exhilarating to me. Meditation, clearing and opening the window for a brisk shot of winter breeze, intention setting, celebration, reflections, journalling, winter rituals, a pot of warming aromas of cinnamon, orange peel, apple, cloves, on a crackling fire. I also love to make fruit butters and cream honey, sing, and sit and homestead plan for the next year. There are so many things of focus during the winter months.
Focusing on what could be once the snow melts is such a magical wonder. ❤️❄️
Crystal, thank you so much for sharing all of this beautiful imagery. I love imagining it. I too truly believe we are in a collective Winter, and I can’t wait to see what is revealed to us on the other side.
Amanda~ so beautiful… I cried in a healing…happy way. Your expressions are so deeply moving. Thank you for embodying your true,wild self and sharing this part of you with us.
Thank you so much Mihndi, it means so much to me that my experience resonates with you. <3
I deal with Seasonal Depression and the Winter with it’s short days, cold weather and gray, lifeless mien has been challenging for me. I always look forward to December 21, the shortest day, as an indication that I have made it through the worst of the darkness and can look forward to lengthening days. It’s wonderful to have a different perspective on the approaching Solstice, to view this time of year as a refuge and rest from the constant activity and pressure to perform. I can now view this previously dreaded season as an opportunity to reevaluate, refresh and renew my spirit in the cool, dark and quiet of the Winter. Thank you for your inspirational words, for sharing your journey and creating this community.