Today marks the Last Quarter of the Moon Cycle where we at The Wild Woman Project have been exploring, Tiny Revolutions: Relationship.
I’ve heard many times that love is both a feeling and an action, and I feel that relationships also require strong pillars of both the feeling of love and the action of love in order to thrive. Sometimes the action is letting your annoyance go, sometimes it’s a grandiose gesture, and sometimes it’s the work of retuning the relationship itself.
People are fluid, ever changing. People change in subtle ways from day to day, and on occasion seem to shape-shift into an entirely new version of themselves. If we – ever changing, ever growing people – desire to be in thriving relationships (of any kind) shouldn’t our relationships evolve as well? Sometimes relationships are not meant to evolve or shape-shift, and that’s okay. However, often times the livelihood of a relationship rests solely on the ability to reinvent itself just as the people involved can’t help but do.
This Ritual Contemplation Recipe was crafted to help you Retune an Important Relationship in your life. Please use it in whatever way works for you.
Create Space
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Carve out some alone time (doing this in Nature is always extra sweet)
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Tune into your breath and begin to move your focus into your heart
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Bring to mind one important relationship in your life (this can be your relationship with yourself, a family member, a friend, or a lover)
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Spend a moment seeing them in your mind’s eye
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Notice how your body may change, how your breath may change
Inquire
Once you have a strong vision of this person, you are invited to contemplate some or all of the following questions:
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How does this relationship make me feel? How do I feel about this person? How do I feel about myself when I am with this person?
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What do I love about this relationship? What about this relationship makes us both feel joyful, expansive, and just plain GOOD?
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What is challenging about this relationship? Do we continue to struggle over the same issue over and over again? Do I have a “button” in this relationship that when it is pressed, I may not like how I behave?
Dig Deeper
This next step can be challenging. It takes a lot of honesty and awareness, but I invite you to ask in and see what arises:
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Is there a subtle or a major “retuning” that needs to happen in this relationship?
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Perhaps the repetitive issue needs to be addressed?
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Perhaps we can “retune” an aspect of the way we treat one another so we may both feel even better in this relationship?
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Perhaps we can identify what and why we love being in this relationship and do MORE of that?
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Perhaps we are holding onto expectations of who we are (and who one another is) that we have outgrown and are not serving us?
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Is there resentment I am holding from a past action that is tainting our current relationship? What needs to be done in order for me to move past that feeling?
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Is there something that needs to be expressed that I am withholding? How can I find the right time and manner of sharing this?
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Is there something I long for in this relationship that I have not expressed? Why?
Take inspired action
After your contemplation, I invite you to take one action that is some kind of a “retuning” of this relationship. Perhaps it is being more kind, speaking your appreciation of this person, doing a nice gesture. Or perhaps your action of retuning is to share something honestly that has been bothering you, make a plan for how to change the course of a repetitive argument, or maybe the retuning is a huge shape-shift of your relationship.
Additional Opportunities:
- Once you are clear on the inspired action you feel called to take, it may serve you to craft or collect an object from Nature to remind you of this intention and place it in a spot you can’t ignore. An Altar, a car, or a bathroom are my favorite places. Doing this is a helpful way to keep your intention “IN sight, IN mind”.
- If you feel called, maybe share some of these questions with the other person in this Relationship with you. Invite them to contemplate alongside you. Setting a timer, lighting a candle, and eye gazing with one another is a helpful activity to get in tune with one another before diving deep together. If you choose to communicate your discoveries it’s always important to remember to listen and speak from the heart. Compassion and kindness are key.
A closing thought
When doing relationship work, I feel it necessary to somehow invoke the intention of protecting oneself as a high priority. Although, relationships take work to bloom, this can only happen if both people in the relationship care for one another and are willing to do the work, and the “retuning” that needs to happen. I am speaking from personal experience when I say, the “retuning” in a thriving relationship never involves oppression of oneself. In some cases the retuning that needs to happen is actually an abolition.
Optional Last Step:
Share with us and one another!
We’d love to inspire and encourage one another. If you feel called, in the comments below share one learning or awareness you are walking away with.
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Amanda is the Director of Communications & Creative Development for The Wild Woman Project, as well as: Wild Woman Project Circle Leader, a member of the Love Crew at the annual WILD WOMAN FEST, and a Mentor for The Wild Woman Project Circle Leader Training Program. She holds a B.A. in Theatre from California State University, Fullerton where she intensively studied Movement for the Stage. A self described Mystic, Artist, Witch, People Person, Beverage Aficionado from Los Angeles California; She is particularly passionate about the space where Art, Activism, and Spirit collide.
Oh my goodness this is so rich and helpful Amanda.
I can SO use this deep contemplation during this deep dive into the waning Moon time. I have two actions I would like to work on.
I have a dear friend who I have know for many years. We used to be very close and I feel we’ve moved into the ‘family friend zone’ over the last couple of years and don’t actually know how it happened. She loves all my family and I guess I miss our one in one time. I need to address this with her but feel rather silly making a big thing out of it.
I also find when challenges come up with my partner and children I have no issues with addressing them freely but don’t have the same comfort level when it comes to my girlfriends. I would like to like to work toward honing some new skills in this area of my relationships
Any advice is welcome.
Hi Lynne! Thank you so much for sharing that insight! I completely understand that feeling of missing closeness with a friend. I also understand the difference in communicating with your family vs. your friends. For me, I find it easier to communicate with my family because I know they can’t escape me as easily (haha!), but chances are if we have cultivated meaningful relationships with our friends- they won’t leave us either.
Just last month I actually had a friend I really love tell me “I care about you so much and recently I’ve been unhappy with how infrequent our communication has been. I know both of us have been slipping, but I miss you and I don’t want it to be like that any longer. How do you feel?”. I felt so honored that she trusted me enough to be straight with me, and I was feeling exactly what she was feeling. So, we vowed to both initiate more contact.
In my experience, when you lead with love in those conversations it’s usually met with great openness. If it’s hard to start the conversation, maybe just saying something simple like “I love you and I miss our alone time. Would you like to get coffee alone together this weekend?”. It could be quite possible she is feeling the same way as you, but also not wanting to make it a “big deal”. Or maybe she’s simply assumed you’re too busy and therefore hasn’t reached out?
Let us know how it goes! Proud of you for stepping outside your comfort zone a little. You got this. <3