“Don’t ask yourself what the world needs.
Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go do that,
because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”
~ Howard Thurman
What old paradigms still keep you stuck in your life?
What does real power look like?
When and why do men’s strong-man tactics disgust you? But when do you fall prey to using them yourself?
REFLECTION
In the comments below, please share:
When and why do men’s strong-man tactics disgust you?
When do you fall prey to using them yourself?
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Lovely timely article. Thank you! My husband, generous, kind-hearted man, but going through some professional challenges in the past few years, finds the need to do a lot of ‘Trump’ talking. It pretty much slays me, because it is such a one-sided conversation on his part, and when I interject with my opinions, his emotions rise to the point I just walk away nine times out of ten. I believe he is trying to justify ‘a better economy’ with what he knows in his heart is a horrible leader. I often feel so drained after these conversations, and then I ‘blame it’ on him. But I am working on acknowledging that I am free to think and believe whatever I want to think and believe and that the choice to walk away when ‘true conversation’ is not occurring is often the wisest.
I have found ‘what makes me come alive’, and the more I keep taking those steps, the more any alternative (previous submissive ways of keeping my mouth shut, etc.) seem less of an option. It is all a matter of finding that balance (staying strong with who you are) while at the same time realizing the futility of allowing yourself to get dragged down in one-sided arguments.
Will try to make the call!
Hi Karen,
Thank you so much for that personal share. I imagine it has been incredibly challenging terrain to navigate. Cheers to paying attention to what makes you come alive!
With Love,
Amanda
Director of Communications & Creative Development
The Wild Woman Project
Thank you for your courage to stand for your own voice and find ways to work with the limitations of this political battleground with grace and grit. Bravo, Karen. Can you come on the call tomorrow night? We will dive deep here!
For years my husband has iced me out whenever I try to share my emotions. He pulls away and doesn’t talk with me for days on end…sometimes weeks. He knows how much it hurts my soul and impacts our children but that is one of his many attempts at controlling me. After years of this, there are times I find myself acting in the same way. In a way I understand why he does it…it is easier than having another conversation that ends up getting us nowhere new. But the Universe has put too many clues in my path the last month. I can’t deny her telling me to wake up and shift my life. I am calling on all my strength and courage and reclaiming my voice am telling him this weekend that I am leaving him.
Omg Melanie, as I was reDing the beginning and middle of your comment, I remembered my husband and I- you might as well have been describing us. We met when we were 19 and 20, and minus a four year gap when we lost touch, and a brief split up, we were together for 16+ years (now 43 and 44). We had some beautiful, beautiful times together, that bring tears to my eyes when I recall them. We also created the moat beautiful baby girl, our daughter, almost five. Upon reading the beginning and middle of your comment, I thought, (as I sometimes do), should I have stayed? For our daughter? But, it wa the way in which he often treated me (and note, he also did very thoughtful things in our day to day life) that was not a good message to our daughter. I lost myself and felt I no longer had a voice. He could not see what he was doing in any way, shape, form, as he is quite domineering in speech. I fell in love with someone else, and left. Unfortunately, that someone else, had that very same, similar trait (though very different in other ways). This tells me, I need to work and heal myself first, so that I can attract one who is a balance for me and vice versa, a healthier union.
Lisa,
Thank you so much for sharing this deep and contemplative share. Sending you love.
With Love,
Amanda
Director of Communications & Creative Development
The Wild Woman Project
Melanie,
I am so sorry you’ve endured what sounds to be something very challenging in many, many ways. Sending you loads of love and support with whatever comes. Thank you so much for that deep share.
With Love,
Amanda
Director of Communications & Creative Development
The Wild Woman Project
Melanie! You’re speaking so clearly here. Thank you for being willing to see how that traditionally masculine strong-arm argumentative attitude just takes us all down. Can you make the call tomorrow night? There’s so much here to explore! And… how’s it going, Sister??
After 22+ years of being manipulated by tactics meant to control and keep me in fear I ran away in October from the draining relationship. I let go of my yin and thrust my yang toward my own life.
It has been turbulent; I am releasing the impact of decades of silence and self-denial.
There were signs early on that I chose to ignore. Not any longer. My path to wholeness has a deep story of personal confrontation and discovery that I will come forward to share.
It is not only disgust at the strong-arm yang that now propels me, it is the silencing passivity that the feminine has come to accept that raises my ire. Then my arms become strong in expressing what I see as being unbalanced.
We can all find power in kindness. It requires that we own our inner thrashings as sparks of self-reflection that point us toward healing.
We can do this work, together, and we must.
Mari,
YESSSS to “We can do this work, together, and we must.” ✨
Thank you so much for your deep share.
With Love,
Amanda
Director of Communications & Creative Development
The Wild Woman Project
Mari, this is such insightful and beautiful writing, and deep and honest reflection, too. The old strong-arm yang does feel powerful… and partners with the traditional feminine passivity like hand in glove. Often from fear on both sides, I believe. It takes us all down! Can you come tomorrow night? I love what you’ve said about kindness. It’s compassion and humble confidence that can and does shift the old paradigm.
Paula,
Thank you so much for that incredibly deep share. I can’t imagine the pain, frustration, anger, and everything else you must have experienced. From not being listened to for so long, to then the loss of something you worked so hard for, to then being told by someone you care about to allow yourself to be used in that way in order to receive shelter. It is truly a shame, and we as a society can do so much better. I’m thankful that we are now seeing so many rise up and demand better.
Sending you so much love and support as you move through this process. You are one amazingly strong Woman.
With Love,
Amanda
Director of Communications & Creative Development
The Wild Woman Project
Paula… thank you for bringing your truth forward here. Please join us tomorrow night. Every time we see clearly the old patriarchal pulls that still hold us imprisoned, we come closer to shifting the paradigm. I know this to be true. It’s voices — and powerful lives like yours — that will help to bring into being a new world. Thank you.
I can relate to much of what has been bravely dis-clothesed here..getting down to bare naked Truths…anyone leaving may be wise to devise a safety plan with DV advocates..and an attorney. The mountain of legal and practical points to be prepared for Just In Case deserves a team not only one person doing battle or even the next right thing. Not telling may be a good first step until knowing the terrain better..again for safety, sanity and wise way to exit a relationship,home etc especially if one has kids or pets. If there are guns in the home that needs to be noted and assessed for safety as well.
A coercive control (good book by Evan Stark) type person should not own a gun (and if anyone is charged with DV –or is abusive– ) they legally lose access, short term or longet.