My original theological text was written by Mary Schmich, and made popular by Baz Luhrmann. The Sunscreen Song, chock full of solid advice, was released when I was in high school and became a philosophical boon in my tumultuous and angsty teenage atheist years.
Today, April 21st, 2024, I turn 40 – four zero – and one way I am celebrating is by sending these pieces of hard-won advice through time to my younger self, in the spirit of that great song.
I envision younger me at 18, at the threshold of adulthood, bold & determined. This is my love note to her. May she hear it.
1. Most everyone is chasing certainty, stability’s bedfellow. Most certainty is illusory, and stability is constantly challenged by the one thing that is actually certain: change.
2. Learning how to embrace change, how to anticipate it, how to flow with it, will be one of the great master classes of your adult life. Show up. Pay attention. Take notes.
3. Know this, even if the worst thing happens, you can find a way to be okay, eventually. Don’t ever ever give up.
4. Keep finding things that help you be okay. Things like good sleep, healthy relationships, music that stirs your soul, creative hobbies, poems, books that open your mind, rituals, practices, play, etc. Collect them. Make an ever-growing list, so you know what is in your toolbox.
5. Accept that trying to be okay is part of the adventure. I have spent my whole adult life trying to be okay, sometimes succeeding gloriously, and other times not at all. I think a lot of people, our heroes and our neighbors, are also just doing their best to be okay. It’s kind of sweet when you think about it.
6. Anyone claiming to know the ultimate truths about you or the nature reality are suspect. Don’t give people like that money or attention.
7. Be resourceful.
8. Walk, and work, in the direction of freedom.
9. Freedom & Responsibility are not the enemies or the opposites you think they are.
10. Cultivate discernment from many different angles. Call upon a round table of critical thinking, the scientific method, meditation, lessons from history, intuition, counsel from wise ones, and instinct. When making choices, especially big ones, make the space to discern.
11. Get inside of gratitude. Take it off the shelf of platitudes, and crack it open, taste it, make it real. Say thank you out loud to everything and everyone. Most of all, feel it. Your gratitude is a thank you note to life.
12. Don’t shrink yourself in order to make others comfortable. It will backfire anyway. Remember: It is not your job to make other people comfortable. That’s their business.
13. Be kind. Without kindness filling the space between us, the world becomes dark and cold. Kindness radiates warmth and belonging to everyone it touches. Being truly kind is the easiest way to heal the world – right now, right where you stand.
14. In friendship, find the people who love you and accept you exactly as you are today. Cherish them. Love them exactly as they are today. That love and acceptance will hold you both as you live and grow.
15. In romance, trust me when you meet him you’ll know, without a shadow of a doubt. If you have to talk yourself into it, he’s not it.
16. Prioritize joy. Find ways to have a good time. Your laughter pleases the sky.
17. Keep stretching.
18. Your rage is a signal from your intuition. Instead of burning your house down, figure out what the fire is trying to tell you.
19. Exercise everyday. Not everyone does or needs to, but the way you are wired: exercise is a way to let your enormous amounts of energy flow. When it does not flow through, it whirls inward and implodes on you.
20. Dance, dance, dance!
21. Always have a small number of dreams you are sincerely working toward (under 3 at a time) and you will be living full, right at your edge.
22. Not all of your dreams will come true, but go after them anyway. As you go after them, you will become who you really are, and you will stumble upon other dreams you wouldn’t have even known to dream before. Each dream, will guide you to a truer and truer dream.
23. In a way, life is a grand dream. Let it be lucid.
24. Ponder the nature of power. Who wields it in a way you admire? Why? Who holds it in a way that disturbs you? Why? Do not be afraid of power, but do respect it, especially when it is in your hands.
25. Cut yourself some slack.
26. Cheerlead yourself – internally and aloud. When you’re being brave, say, “You’ve got this, Chris; I’m so proud of you!” When fearful thoughts come in, say, “Not today, babay!” When you do this out loud, people may ask, “Who are you talking to?” Simply reply, “My best friend!”
27. The amount of information you have access to is expanding exponentially. Be careful not to make your mind into a junkyard of other people ideas and opinions.
28. Make art. Never stop making art. Make a little bit everyday.
29. No politician is coming to save the world. Historically speaking, it does not work that way.
30. Focus your attention, work, resources in places where you can actually have an impact.
31. If you want to glimpse the future, and heal from the past, pay attention to what the artists have to say.
32. The more your sense of the spiritual is anchored in physical reality, the more the world will open up. If an idea has no anchor in physical reality, let it go for now. There is enough that is right here, right now. Ephemeral spiritual concepts, complicated systems, or lofty hypotheses won’t stand the test of time for you.
33. Spend time in the company of trees.
34. Sing.
35. Keep journaling. Everyday, a page of your own.
36. Refrain from boasting or bragging. Boasting is a sign of insecurity. Work on affirming your self-worth and self-respect inwardly and you will lose all desire to seek approval from other people, and you will be free.
37. Seek open spaces, where music fills the air.
38. For every gift you have, there is a shadow. Embrace that reality wholly. Live into your gifts and befriend your shadows, they can become great and mighty allies.
39. Don’t let fear gobble up your one wild and precious life.
40. Choose to be brave. Your courage will change everything.
Your Turn
What is one piece of advice you’d give your younger self?
Please share in the comments below, and/or in the privacy of your own journal.
(If you wish, take a moment to envision younger you and speak it aloud to her.)
On the Horizon
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How beautiful! Such important reminders. Thank you, Chris <3
My pleasure, Silja!
Happy birthday fellow Taurus ❤️. Thank you for what you do!
Enjoy your day 💃🎉🎂.
Thank you!
I would tell my younger self that life is about coming home to yourself over and over again. Sometimes we are at home for a little while, sometimes we get lost on the way out or way in, but never stop finding all the ways back home. The paths may be different at times but this is what can bring richness and growth. I would also remind myself that it’s important not to stay at home, life is about venturing out in order to expand those homes. This can be painful at times, there is something in the pain that can be learnt if you allow it. Don’t stop learning.
Love it!
Happy birthday Chris! I hope the day was spent celebrating the amazing you! Thank you for this share. Truly thought provoking and beautifully written. To my younger self: you are enough~you are worthy~you are strong~you are amazing and are capable of doing big things, no matter the environment you grew up in. Most of all, don’t keep your head down and just plow through ~you will miss a lot of joyful moments~smile, laugh, dance, and sing~laughter will set you free.
Yes! Love this, Beth!
I would tell my younger self to stop putting all her energy into helping and saving other people. Putting that energy into myself sees much better returns. I would tell her that holding on to the pain of loss, isn’t honoring this who are gone. And last, I would tell her that all she has survived, has made her stronger than she knows and if she can just focus the same strength into channeling her energy into her goals, there is nothing she can’t accomplish.
Wonderful, Susan!
Happiest of Birthdays, Chris!
When I was 29, I made a list of 30 things to do by the time I turned 30. I’m now almost 35, midpoint between 30 and 40, and I find I’m transitioning from that mindset of “things to do” to the spirit of your letter to your past self. I can *feel* that energy shift during this decade, and I’m right in the middle of these two energies.
I’m not sure about my past self, but my present self was in need of these two pieces of advice from you.
9. Freedom & Responsibility are not the enemies or the opposites you think they are.
22. Not all of your dreams will come true, but go after them anyway. As you go after them, you will become who you really are, and you will stumble upon other dreams you wouldn’t have even known to dream before. Each dream, will guide you to a truer and truer dream.
✨️
mmm…thank you, Cassie! Glad those rang for you. xo
Thank you for this heartfelt list of wisdom! And happy birthday, fellow Taurus! I would say to my younger self: You may think you have second chances, but they’re not always guaranteed, so do the uncomfortable but brave things, say what needs to be said- even it you’re afraid of being wrong or sounding stupid, just say it.”
Love it, Caressa!