Today I’m going to talk to you about something I really don’t like talking about.

And I don’t think you do either.

We all feel it, but as conscious-loving-mature adults, we REEAALLYYY don’t want to.

Jealousy, ya’ll. Yup I said it. Good ole stinky human jealousy. Here’s my pitch. Let’s get this bugger out of the closet.

Do you remember the first time you ever felt jealous, that burning envy? Take a moment here. It’s worth the search.

My Memory:

My family moved into a new house in the suburbs of Houston, Texas when I was 7 years old. The first time I stepped into the house, it was a perfect spring day. Like the kind you see in the movies, which made me doubly happy as I always imagined that there were secret cameras filming my life (let the records show, this was pre-reality show culture). Today would be the perfect weather to really capture my momentous new beginning to all of my adoring fans.

I, being the oldest of 2, got first dibs on the kid rooms. I walked into room #1 The sun beamed through the window-of which was rather large despite the room’s tiny square footage. And get this, there was a rose-a single pink rose!-growing just outside it. It was love. It was romantic-Maybe I’d have my first kiss in this room! There was magic in that rose. This was my room. I took 3 seconds to peek into the other-MUCH larger room, which felt cold. Plus room #2 only had a bush outside its window. 

It wasn’t long before the rose up and died. I was crushed. It turned winter too. In Houston this just meant, I need a windbreaker (preferably hot pink) with my jean shorts. The sun didn’t shine as bright in my little closet. I began to go into my 3 year old brother’s enormous room daily, just to sulk. It was AMAZING. It was huge. I was sick with jealousy. The little tike didn’t even know what he had. I begged my parents to let me switch. And like parents really should, they delivered the sobering news (one that the world and Mick Jagger would teach me over and over again) -You can’t always get what you want. And the real tragedy was that I CHOSE my room. I CHOSE my fate. And now I wanted what was no longer my option.

This has happened over and over in my life with varying amounts of weight. The major unrequited love of my life, in 7^th grade (Which for the record has not turned requited to this day) was rejected first by me, never to come around again. In fact he went on to love many of my friends-ouch. On the lighter side of the spectrum, it happens when ordering at a restaurant and coveting my girlfriend’s gnocchi.

Here’s the truth. Jealousy feels like poison and can stunt your creativity and for that matter, your health.

Here’s how I move through this, in 3 deceptively “simple” steps:

1. Confess. I say to some other living breathing person. I am jealous of her. Taking it out of the closet takes the edge off. Jealousy isn’t sexy but vulnerability is.
2. Forgive myself. If you are like me, you get jealous and immediately become furious at yourself for being so childish/insecure/ridiculous. “I thought I was past this! I am a grown up know!!!!” Eventually, I get myself together and Forgive myself. “I am a human and I get jealous sometimes.”
3. Do things that make me feel good. For me, it’s work I love. If I just get to doing something I love, I can get out of it pretty quick.

Ideally, I’d like to be jealousy free. I suspect it may be possible as I have seen drastic shifts in my jealous tendencies as I mature.

But for now I have my little 3 part practice and the knowledge that I’m not alone. I’m in a process. And I’m getting better all the time.

How do you get through the twinge of jealousy? Answer in the comments section on the Blog.

BIG fat love,

C

P.s-Know anyone who would benefit from this article? Feel free to share on the interbs!

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