“Healthy wolves and healthy women share certain psychic characteristics: keen sensing, playful spirit, and a heightened capacity for devotion. Wolves and women are relational by nature, inquiring, possessed of great endurance and strength. They are deeply intuitive, intensely concerned with their young, their mates and their pack. They are experienced in adapting to constantly changing circumstances; they are fiercely stalwart and very brave.” 

~Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estés, 

Women Who Run with the Wolves: Myths & Stories of the Wild Woman Archetype

I found myself reading this passage aloud in Fall Circle Leader Training and thinking of the incredible women in my life who have taught me, through their actions & presence, about the extraordinary value of being fiercely stalwart, possessed of great endurance and strength, and intensely concerned with their young, their mates and their pack.

These everyday Wolf-women in my life are among my greatest spiritual teachers. And I’d bet you have some women in your life you could say the same about.

Here are some of the lessons I’ve learned from them about how to be a great community member: 

1. Gather the pack. 

My paternal Grandmother, Allatia Maddox, a.k.a “Grambo”, is always calling my family together. First to make the plan & the calls, Grambo knows the importance of bringing her family together and we are all grateful for it. It takes energy, will & time – born out of love and devotion – to gather the ones you love. It is one of the greatest gift you can offer your pack. 

2. Ask yourself: How can I make my pack-mates smile? 

One of my dearest friends, lovingly called “Brookey” within our pack weaves together work-ethic & deep generosity, always finding new ways to help when a need (or want) arises, making everyone around her feel loved and taken care of. Asking yourself, “how can I be of service?, and “how can I make my pack-mates smile?” brings a warmth to the pack and inspires every one to express generosity in their own way. 

3. Prioritize the Pack. 

My Mother, Katarina, has always worked full-time & is quite accomplished in her career, yet has maintained a “drop everything” for her children and now, grandson, mentality. If we need her, she is there. She embodies Estés’ description of healthy wolves and healthy women as “intensely concerned with their young.” This orientation creates a strong bond in the pack. Whether one is a mother or not, we can all learn to make our pack(s) more of a priority in our day to day lives. 

4. Balance listening and speaking. 

Some of the greatest treasures in pack life come in the playground of conversation. Listening is an important skill, especially in pack life, that I think may be atrophying in modern life. I have no data on this, just a hunch from personal experience. One of my dearests, Mel, is a natural listener – always asking great questions & drawing me out. When I walk out of conversation with her, I often do so with more self-awareness and sense I have been truly witnessed. By being a good listener, especially to the good listeners, we create much needed intimacy & belonging our packs.  

5. Don’t give up, for the love of the pack. 

In the last couple of years one of my pack-mates endured what no human should have to, greek tragedy level adversity. She’d tell us that some days she just kept walking forward for all of us, her community who loved her. By continuing to put one foot in front of the other, Rhonda, inspired us all to be strong with her. We are all stronger, wiser, and closer because of it. We are “possessed of great endurance and strength” and sometimes when its hard to muster, being strong for your pack will deliver you into greater and greater resilience. 

6. Be kind. 

My late Grandmother, Mother of my Mother, Gregoria Guererro, was the mother of eight, grandmother of sixteen, and great grandmother of twenty four. In all the years I knew her, I never saw her be impatient or heard her say an unkind word – a feat that seems almost super human. She was and is the beloved heart of a great big pack, who calmed the waters around her without a word, just by being her kind & gentle self. Striving to be kind is a way of helping along the harmony in the pack.

7. Play! 

Dr. Estés names “playful spirit” as one of the marks of healthy women & wolves and I have experienced the medicine of this with one of my dear pack-mates, Julia. Whether digging through her boxes of silly costumes, watching her dance, or listening to her raspy laugh, she is always radiating a playful spirit! She is a light for so many of her packs bringing joy wherever she goes. It is important to remember: Human packs, like wolf-packs thrive with a playful spirit!

I could keep going and going. Maybe I’ll do another part! Or five! 

But for now, I’d love to hear from you. 

 

 

 

In the comments below, and/or in the privacy of your own heart, please answer:

 

What is one lesson you’ve learned about being a good pack mate or community member from a woman in your life? 

 

Can’t wait to read ‘em! ♥️

 

 

Relationships are precious. 

Be sure to let your pack(s) know what they mean to you. 

 

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