It is my pleasure to introduce a WILD Man and dear friend. 

Andy Stokan will be our pop culture guru (though he’d never ever use that word). He will be contributing to the site regularly, sharing entries from his heart warming & feministy blog, Songs for My Daughter, which he has dedicated to his future offspring.

Enjoy…

Kelly Clarkson – “I Do Not Hook Up”

I should be clear about one thing up top: I don’t have a daughter. And I’m not having one in the foreseeable future. But one day I (hopefully) will. And that thought excites me and terrifies me in equal measure. It’s exciting because she’s going to be an amazing, vital, self-actualized, confident, empowered, loving, and caring daughter, friend, and, if she so chooses, mother and partner who will make the world an infinitely better place. But it’s terrifying because of the sheer number of forces conspiring in both ways big and small, obvious and insidious, to keep that from happening. For example, it was distressingly hard to write the sentence describing my hypothetical daughter without including the world “beautiful”. And I’m a person who’s writing the intro a feminist music column for christsake. But that’s an issue for another time. (Oh we’ll get there at some point, don’t you worry)

So while I unfortunately can’t control the realities of the world that my daughter will be faced with, I can do my best to steer her towards the right influences. Thus – “Songs For My Daughter.”

So what, you might ask, is a song for my daughter? Well I can tell you what it’s not. It’s not a song that has anything to with getting, holding on to, overcoming, or seeking revenge on a man. It’s not a song that seems to be empowering, but is really about competition with other women, making herself more attractive, or simply finding a better boyfriend. It’s not one that shies away from the realities of the world – sex, drinking, violence, “bad words”, etc. Girls aren’t fragile pieces of porcelain; shielding them from the harsh truths of the world doesn’t do anyone any good. Kids can handle way more than we give them credit for.

So then what, you might ask again, IS a song for my daughter? Well, It might be one with a specifically female sense of strength, conviction, and, uh, rocking out. It might be one written (mostly) by women and performed by a woman. It might be about a woman who knows exactly what she wants and isn’t willing to settle for less. It might be about reclaiming your power. About demanding to be met on your terms, not the other way around. It might seem to be on the surface about a woman who doesn’t have sex, but in reality it might be about a woman who is able to deal in a mature and healthy way with the complexities and politics of female sexuality. See it’s not, “I don’t hook up”, period. It’s simply I don’t allow a situation where there’s not equal respect and value and understanding for what we do. It’s, “I value myself and what I have to offer”. If you want me I don’t come cheap. Because I’ve got a fucking valuable thing here and I’m not just going to give it away for nothing.

So, you tell ‘em Kelly. You tell him how it is. Tell yourself. Tell us all.

Tell my daughter.

Andy Stokan is a writer whose works have appeared on The Huffington Post, movies.com, gawker, college humor, and ducthwest.tv. This article and many others like it can be found on his blog songsformydaughter.

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